I want tell you about a movie. There's a lot of movies coming out right now, and going to come out, and some of them are quite good (Looking at you, ex Machina). Others are just further iterations, rebootequels like, well, just about everything, or weird artsy movies about humanity, as always manage to make it through Sundance (once again, ex Machina). They are the movie, again. Age of Ultron is a good example, because I can't tell what made it any different from the first Avengers movie. Or the Iron Man movies. Or the Captain America movies. I can differentiate between AoU and the Hulk movies because Edward Norton is a good actor and the Hulk is a terrible hero on his own. Otherwise, these movies are just blasting repetitions of the same overly expensive CGI blasting frictionless across fake scenes where actors desperately try to imagine everything that's happening in front of them while also imagining their own fake emotions. Really. Think about the movies you've watched in the last couple of years. Increasingly all green-screened, increasingly repetitive, and increasingly based off of old franchises.
Well, Mad Max: Fury Road is like those movies, but also unlike them. It is iterative. Mad Max is there, as he has been. This movie is, at its core, no different from the other Mad Max movies. If you are unaware, Mad Max is a survivor of the nuclear post-apocalypse in 100% sad desert Australia where people are interested in three things: Oil, Water, and Crazy Face Masks. This movie adds one: Women. The first movie is fun, if forgettable. The first 45 minutes of Beyond Thunderdome (i.e. the Thunderdome part of the movie) is amazing, the rest forgettable. Cult favourites more for prop work than any storytelling. Fury Road is no different, but better. Because George Miller has realised the truth. He has seen the dark heart of Mad Max, and he has realised that he isn't actually very good. He's just not that interesting of a character. He's a guy, who's good at being alive, and that is his focus. All of Max's depth is spelled out for us within the first 180 seconds of Fury Road in choice sentences and a couple meh flashbacks. It is the madness of this world that we are attracted to, the complete insanity of humanity once we are stripped of the legal systems and comfortable lifestyles that constrain our bestial (especially male) instincts. In a time where studios are looking at past franchises and forgetting what made them good, George Miller looked back on his movies and realised exactly why they were bad.
He then corrected those mistakes. This movie is a lean, mean, murderous entertainment machine, with a simple message delivered by a mechano-fisted bald Charlize Theron: Women are badasses too, and just because it's the apocalypse doesn't mean you get to own them like cattle. (Since some of the women in this movie are literally fat women who are being milked, this is not even a metaphor. George Miller does not work in metaphor) The story and plot are spelled out immediately. There is a citadel, it is ruled by a bad man who controls the water and food, and he keeps a harem of healthy, non-mutated wives for his exclusive disgusting use. Charlize Theron does not like this, for good reason. The worldbuilding is simply and masterfully done -- you do not need to have seen any Mad Max or any post-apocalyptic movie to understand what is going on here. Yes, the movie is basically one long chase scene. It's really like four or five strung together, but there's only like one real slow moment in the movie, so come on. It's one.
But what a chase. Oh what a glorious chase, to roughly paraphrase one of the characters, who you no doubt have seen from the trailers, if not the movie itself. George Miller took the gigantic dumptrucks of money handed him for this movie, and he turned them into murdertrucks of incredible amazing power. All the vehicles in this movie are real. All were driven. All exploded, for real. I can not adequately explain to you just how satisfying every fight scene was in this movie. Everything felt real, was real. The grit, the grime, the sand, the mud, the blood, the burns and bolts and flaming spears, the men waving back and forth on poles swinging from the back of souped up desert roamers, the man strapped to the front of a bus playing a flamethrowering guitar. This movie will be a cult movie. It already is. It's the best Mad Max movie. It had people chanting at the end of it. WITNESS!
In short, I liked it. I will spell out the two issues I had with this movie. One, it could have been a wee bit shorter, just so that I didn't have a heart attack. There was a slow moment in the movie and my adrenaline stopped pumping and then it had to start all over again and I was literally exhausted after watching this. Not bad, but someone might die while watching this movie.
Second, and this is actually serious: this movie needs some diversity. There was an old asian woman, and while I couldn't actually spot the one black man, others have and I know he exists somewhere in the movie. Given that this movie takes place in Australia, and was filmed in the Namib desert, I feel like they could have dredged up some stunt actors of colour. There was also a brown lady wife who was pretty cool, but didn't get enough action. I love this movie, and I will tell everyone to see it. But racial diversity should go hand in hand with gender diversity, and this movie only succeeded in championing one. I'll take it, don't get me wrong, but intersectionality is important and real. I am thrilled beyond words that this movie was basically Charlize Theron kicking ass while her manboy sidekick Max shot things and gave blood while grunting. Seriously guys, Max says like 20 words in this movie. I'm going to count next time I see it, which I will. But we have to do more than take one step. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing Hugh Keays-Byrne come back as a different masked madman in control of the world's dwindling resources, but there were plenty of opportunities to introduce some characters of colour despite the fact that every other character in this movie is literally painted white or related to our white antagonist. This isn't entirely Fury Road's problem. It's Hollywood's, which is why the ACLU is now suing them! Progress.
Bottom line: Mad Max is amazing, fun, wow. 11/10 fun and joy, some number out of 10 for quality of movie. You figure that crap out once you go see it, it's not my job. (But it's still 98% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes) WITNESS!
PS: To all the MRAs crying about this movie.
A blog. I think words show up here sometime. I cannot be sure, but I believe they occasionally carry meaning and humour.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Friday, September 5, 2014
A Teaser
Hello everyone! Just dropping by the blog to leave this little teaser here: It's the prelude to my novel Leylined. I hope you enjoy it, and feel free to share. (HINT HINT KNUDGE KNUDGE KNOW WHAT I MEAN EH EH? SAY NO MORE SAY NO MORE)
PRELUDE
“Brothers! Sisters! The day of prophecy has arrived!” Zhi-Yao spread her arms over the sea of cheering people. Ten million strong, the crowd was one of many across the world. For the first time since the days of the Ancients, humanity was united. Wars had been fought, cultures eradicated, whole islands sunk beneath the waves, but it was done. This night, the Nine stars not fallen shone brightly, arranged in a perfect circle above them. The heavenly Ring's rotation was halted for over the for the first time in millenia, her silver sides reflecting the sun’s light to the shadowed mountain below. Samantha’s Child was not yet visible. Tonight would be her final orbit.
Zhi-Yao held a crystal tablet aloft, its glowing letters shining bright.
“As it was written in the Book of Truth, handed down from the Ancients to the First Children, held by the wisest and most pious through the Mad Age, so shall it occur. The Machinari keep the Ancient destinies alive, and as they have before, they shall today. Samantha’s child, whose name we have kept for so long, shall fall. Our saviour shall be born! We will witness the birth of a new world, a free world!”
The cheer was a volcanic eruption of noise.
She turned to the angel standing beside her. Sleek, with a body of silver metal and robes of shimmering gold, the Machinari was a reminder that once, the world had been clean. Once, the world had been pure, good. And that it would be again.
“Keeper of Samantha’s spirit,” she said, bowing. “When shall the Child fall?”
The angel’s translucent eyes, hovering lines of light, did not meet her gaze. Such would be below a servant of the gods, despite her divine position.
::Soon:: the angel said, in its electric voice. Its grip tightened on a long crystal staff, an object she knew could obliterate and create with the slightest motion. ::Very soon::
Zhi-Yao’s heart quivered, but she put it down to excitement. Millenia of war would end. Famine, poverty, hate and injustice would all come crashing down once the Star fell. All her crimes would be forgiven. All the blood washed off her hands.
She turned back to the crowd. “The Child falls soon! Let us pray to welcome her!”
Her words spread like a wave. When all had knelt, she began to speak, her words echoed in a great roar.
“Ancient gods, from worlds near and far,
Holy Samantha, mother of us all
Forgive us our mortal sins
Pity your children, who have forgotten who we are
Let your Child fall
Let your daughter be the saviour of us all.
Fall, Fall, Samantha’s Child
Open for us the heavenly door
Give us, O Child, a whole new world”
A cry went up on, emanating from the west. Samantha's Child was rising. She travelled speedily across the sky, far faster than any of the Nine. How she fell was anyone’s guess. Would it be in flames? Would it be slow, like a leaf in the wind? Or would she rocket into the sea, casting up waves? The island they stood upon was not overlarge, and her every inch was covered in human beings, from the olive groves to the hot springs. It mattered not. It would be beautiful.
The Star moved overhead. A great cheer rose from the people. Zhi-Yao found herself weeping.
The Star passed, and continued on her way.
The cheer transformed to confused rumblings, murmurs and screams.
A sudden silence, spread at the speed of light, cut the crowd.
A red star rose on the horizon.
“Angel,” Zhi-Yao turned. “Did we do wrong?”
The angel’s gaze met hers, the shifting lights dimming to a somber blue.
::The decision was beyond me:: the angel said. ::I am sorry::
The space around the angel warped, pulling over its form as a tired man pulls a blanket. The air puckered as it disappeared.
The Red Star shone. There was a great heat, and then nothing at all.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Short Story Shuffle!
Here's my tale for the #ShortStoryShuffle, a little game I put together on the @nanopals blog. I guess it needs a title so we'll call it:
TEXTS FROM LAST DIMENSION
So I guess like chateau is just a word for fancy mansion
LOL, but isn’t it castle?
tht so but none of the ones we’ve been to are really castles
A fking catapault would take them down
LOL or a pipe bomb.
ikr, I should look up a recipe
omg dooooo ittttttt lol
that would be so bad. I really should now, just to piss off mom
we’re going to another one tonight
imma do it
she being a bitch?
no dont
yea made me take out my headphones so I have to listen to the stupid guide
can’t understand him at all, hes talking like latin
txting you in secret
and im not gonna do it, jail would suck even worse than her
ROFL were secret buddies
yeah it would
fk yeah
whatchu up to?
messing around online
Tell me about the chateau!
were just getting to it, this whole bus is really weird
like all weirdos
where is it? what’s it called?
that’s really weird, don’t let them touch you
dunno. france somewhere. been on this bus foreverrrrr
lots of creepy trees
called umberlich or something stupid like that
wish we could go to a f1 race instead but she said its stupid and dangerous
glad u still have signal!!
ikr
r u still seeing Amal?
he just texted me hey
i wasn’t seeing him, we had shop together
w/e u 2 are lovers I know it
f u
haha jk <3 span="" u="">3>
woah dude shit just got fked up
whaat? u okay?
yeah we just turned the corner and all of a sudden we werent in forest it’s like this huge valley and a lake
wtf where’s the chateau?
dunno theres like an island in the middle of the lake
think theres a building on it
sounds crazy scary.
yea I dunno
wtf kind of trip did your mom take u on?
all the others were okay but I dunno last one we were at some guy kept talking to her
dont see him here tho
good that would be creepy
hey were gonna get on a boat now I prolly cant txt you 4 sec
kk be safe
dude I think my mom maybe joined a cult
im kinda freakin out
dont get on the boat
too late
i think the guide is like a priest
hes trying to get us to do some chant
jump off
swim back
my mom will kill me
this water is really cold
k they stopped chanting
so glad
did ur mom chant?
a little, she tried to make me but I said no
this island is mad creepy
i dunno this place isnt like the other chateaus
all black and red
super creepy
dude I’m worried about you
its probably draculas house or something
omg lol prolly true
dont joke ur in trouble
its ok
im fine
actually this place is kind of cool
some crazy monsters carved onto the doors
like what?
are there unicorns??
they look like that thing on Craig’s shirts
no unicorns
kinda look like fish
that guy who’s always playing that game?
woah this place reeks
smells like a fkn sewer
there are all these paintings of old dudes and ladies in robes
wtf they’re all holding fish
this is like some long john silvers cult
LOL but dude that’s creepy
this must be some kinda art museum
maybe thats why its all so weird
europeans
racist LOL
what’s your mom doing?
she’s reading all the little plaques out loud
least these are pretty much the same
some weird named dude killed this old dude
for the glory of his stupid god
this is just like the vatican
except they have nicer hats
LOL ur hilarious but I still think that place is going to kill you
u should tell your mom you want to leave
i did! she’s not listening…. she says the bus doesn’t go back for another three hours
imma go find the bathroom
huh
think I found some dude’s office instead
don’t look around you’ll probably get cursed
w/e
can’t get more cursed than I already am
dude your gonna get in trouble
you should go back to your mom
oh are you my fucking dad now?
I been looking for a new one
sorry sorry
just worried about you
imma steal something
no!
creepy book
another creepy book
some weird star drawing
bunch of fuckers fucking in a pit
huh
what?
fucken my little pony pen case
OMGGGGG okay that place isn’t cursed if it has that
lol you’re ridiculous
kk imma steal this for you
nice its even got pens on the inside
fancy ones w pointy metal heads
omg I can use them with my calligraphy book!
mom bought me one for xmas
at least someone’s mom gets good gifts
i got a self help book titled “will your way out of depression”
and a fucking talking to
when can I become emancipated?
18
sucks girl
:(
ill just run away
w/e
imma draw something on this stupid desk
its covered with drawings
what should I add?
buncha dicks haha
or a dinosaur
eating all the dudes
haha imma do that
god I hope no one comes in
what if you get caught
they’ll like sacrifice you or something
ur mom is probably pissed as hell right now
mai?
u there?
fk
fking cut myself
well
now the dinosaur has colour
:(:(:(:(:(
u okay?
yah its okay just got got it all over the desk
w/e
fk these drawings
im outta here
dont die
holy shit
what???
fking earthquake
I dunno
omg
i think I just heard something roar
get outta there dude
ur a good swimmer
just gtfo
holy shit
its real
holy fucking shit
help me
dude I don’t know where you are
your fb location just says something about spacetime
did you do that?
lyons
send help
Ok but I don’t speak french
what do you mean it’s real?
Mai?
omg mom
it fucking ate mom
im so sorry
where are u?
mai??
it changed
it fucking changed
its not my little pony
how did I not see it b4?
wtf r u talking about?
ur scaring me
mai?
u there?
the pens are real
the drawings are real
the star
the pit
everythings real except me
mai? it’s been like three days! Where are u? r u okay?
u sound horrible
ive been so scared for you
mai??
mai???
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